omg the web is alive

From: Paul Ford
To: Virginia Heffernan
Subject: wanted you to know
i had nothing to do with that article in gawker. yes your piece had problems, but you deserved better and it was wrong of them to bring your past into it.

Saving this forever in case I need the lulz.

Just Checking In

Still breathing
I started a new job. I will reassert my right to post random stuff to my blog .... now.

Web comics that are not Achewood
Because I might need them someday.

  • Write A Critical Letter To the Editor Against The Machine
  • Bone-Hugs-n-Harmony
  • Tolerating Pumpkins
  • Neil Young & Eccentric Horse
  • The Affection Pistols
  • Atart Teenage Sit-In
  • Primal Inside Voice
  • Spandau Community Dance Project
  • Earth, Wind & Warmness
  • Slayer (But Only When Negotiation Has Ceased To Be A Tenable Option)

Nothing to do with my trip, but worth a read.

"Have you heard of Peter Pan?"
"No. Have you heard of Metro North?"


I just found out about cuddle parties recently (thanks a lot, Erin.) Faith in open, pluralistic society threatened. Who the hell goes to these things?

ERIC CARTMAN: Don't you ever, EVER compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand! Do you have any idea what it's like? Everywhere I go: "Hey Cartman you must like Family Guy, right?" "Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman!" I am nothing like Family Guy! When I make jokes they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangeable joke after another!


Come on, then!
Glasgow's not a good place to do terrorism. "Nobody gets between 10,000 Weegies and a 99 week in Ibiza booked on Thursday night through Barrhead Travel." The BBC notes a legend in the making.

Maybe you remember the satirical script for Phantom Menace that got sent around when the movie came out. It definitely helped me through the grieving process. Anyway I can't believe this site is still around. And that I remembered the url.

The flying saucer lands in some Midwest cornfield and the aliens emerge: "Take me to your leader."
So the earthlings take them to Bush.
The aliens look at the earthlings: "no, for real."

It's wild how reliably Chauncey makes me happy. We have a creepy fucking bond.

This never would have happened when Fred Rogers was still alive.

"'Political jokes weren't a form of active resistance but valves for pent-up public anger.'" And the understanding that inspired such humor makes the inaction that accompanied it all the more unforgiveable: "...the country wasn't possessed by 'evil spirits' nor was it hypnotised by the Nazis' brilliant propaganda, he says. Hypnotized people don't crack jokes."

Before you make the understandable misinterpretation, I think the Daily Show et al provide a valuable service in exposing the vapidity of current political discourse. But if it's a narcotic (it is) let it be an amphetamine, not an anaesthetic.

overheard in a Los Angeles coffehouse
"Well I figure if I fool around with him long enough he'll take my headshots for free..."

Excerpt from their review of Google Calendar:
APRIL 12 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 13 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 14 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 15 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 16 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 17 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 18 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 19 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 20 - Die in wanking accident.
JUNE 17, 2012 - Council Tax bailiffs discover decomposed body.

eat to defeat - destruction was mutually assured
My friend Anna directed this movie in 48 hours.

Oooh, Look At Me, I Read The Economist!
That's Lord Smartingford to you. Prick.

I don't normally do this sort of thing, but this is really the best blonde joke ever.

good flowchart
shlok shlok

Great British comedy podcast and ... other stuff.

heavy freaks
Positive Ape Index

"You've seen them. There's one that's been sitting on a shelf gathering dust in your uncle Billy's garage for 30 years now. It's image flickers through your head when you're daydreaming about hotrods and monster movies and eating corndogs at the carnival."

Overcompensating: a real true journal comic
"Truly the dark side is for utter bitches."

i got pranked
(18:46:07) mactheosx: Ilxor?
(18:46:10) Lukas: ?
(18:46:20) mactheosx: ure weird lol
(18:46:40) Lukas: huh. still blank.
(18:46:55) mactheosx: i just got my new laptop today, i'm excited lol
(18:46:59) Lukas: oh
(18:47:02) Lukas: nice white font
(18:47:13) Lukas: glad you like the laptop
(18:47:15) Lukas: yeah
(18:47:15) mactheosx: oh =-O
(18:47:17) Lukas: me ilxor
(18:47:31) mactheosx: I understand
(18:48:30) mactheosx: Your not talkign
(18:48:43) Lukas: i'm a bit busy at the moment
(18:48:55) mactheosx: busy causes stress, and thats not good lol
(18:49:02) Lukas: i agree!
(18:49:13) mactheosx: uh huh... sure lol
(18:50:18) mactheosx: is there something u want to know about me?
(18:50:40) Lukas: like your name?
(18:50:43) Lukas: that'd be nice
(18:50:49) mactheosx: lol your funny
(18:51:18) mactheosx: haha, has really funny pictures. have you ever been there?
(18:51:38) Lukas: er, no
(18:51:50) mactheosx: well, maybe
(18:51:50) Lukas: i'll put it on the list, tho
(18:52:07) mactheosx: ure weird lol
(18:53:08) Lukas: right, i'm weird. you're writing in all white and won't tell me your name!
(18:53:09) mactheosx: uh hello? why aren't you talking?
(18:53:24) Lukas: cuz i want to finish my work and get out of the office
(18:53:35) mactheosx: i am NOT your babe...
(18:54:14) Lukas: um
(18:54:14) Lukas: ok
(18:54:24) mactheosx: what?
(18:54:52) Lukas: you said you weren't my babe
(18:55:06) mactheosx: leave me uot of this. i did nothing wrong
(18:55:22) Lukas: you're a bot, aren't you?
(18:55:36) mactheosx: im not a bot, lol did u really think i was?
(18:55:51) Lukas: heh, prove me wrong
(18:56:01) mactheosx: ugh
(18:56:17) mactheosx: You have been talking to a computer! One of your friends is reading the whole conversation and laughing it up right now! GET EVEN! Have the bot talk to all your friends by visiting

Wexley School for Girls
I feel dirty, yet refreshed.

Matt Groening Apple Ad
A 1989 Macintosh ad from the creator of the Simpsons.

The Perry Bible Fellowship (archive)
Holy shit it's the first good comic since Calvin & Hobbes.

virtual bartender
Some suggested actions, including "kiss a girl".

house of wigs
ad copywriter blogs funny

"We're the leaders of tomorrow."
"Yeah, but it's today."

  • Firesign Theatre

possible follow-up songs for one-hit wonders
"Whoomp! There It Continues to Be"

heat vision and jack
Pilot for an unreleased Jack Black + Owen Wilson parody of Knight Rider.

pinkerton's weblog - greatest hits
he writes for the national lampoon, among others

we love you, yes you
Mean Valentine's Day cards.

I miss Suck. I mean, I didn't read the articles mostly (except for Filler, of course) but it was just sort of good to have around.

dvd tracks
User-created commentary tracks.

Intellectual Whores
Home of the Ladder Theory.

I used the word "cunt" a couple nights ago and I feel really guilty about it.

Unix-Haters Handbook
"Welcome, New User! Like Russian Roulette with Six Bullets Loaded"

Christopher Hitchens
Read this, then this, then this. (Thanks, Daniel.)

let us spring out of our sober shells
we will soar like drunken eagles

A Man Wronged
"No one can disagree with me on that point."
Neil Pollack is the funniest man alive, today, September 22nd.

Apple - Switch - Ellen Feiss
"beep beep beep beep beep beep beep"
hee hee

Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About. I was going to call this the best site ever, but as I've already awarded that crown, I'll settle for mentioning that I no longer read this site at work, for fear of attracting attention with all the laughing and snorting. (You didn't visit the site the first time I mentioned it, did you? Do it now.)

Crazy Apple Rumors
"At first I thought he was kidding!" Anderson exclaimed. "Then [Apple Senior Vice President for Applications] Sina [Tamaddon] says 'Wow, that's really beautiful. You're a beautiful, beautiful person.' All of a sudden I'm thinking, 'Oh, shit.'"

Ernest & Bertram
"PROGRAM NOTES: Lillian Hellman visits Sesame Street. A tale of rumors, innuendo, and felt as the secret lives of childhood icons are revealed."

Renegade Sesame Street short film. (can't actually get to the film right now)

Henry Raddick's Reviews
You know, the problem with writing a link summary after spending twenty minutes perusing the link is that I'm frequently too overwhelmed with enthusiasm to write with a clear head. For example, in this case I'm tempted to write something like "SING, HENRY, SING YOUR HEART OUT" which just wouldn't be right.


This is Lukas Bergstrom's weblog. You can also find me on Twitter and LinkedIn.

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One Acre Fund


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